Success In A Pot

March 26, 2009

One of the best things you can have on your desk at work or on your kitchen table is a pot plant. Not only does it look great but, believe it or not, it can also be a valuable tool for achieving success in every area of your life.

So how can a simple pot plant help you achieve success?

One of the fundamental laws of nature is this:

Anything that does not receive regular
attention will deteriorate over time.

If you think about this for a moment, you’ll see that this law holds true not only for a pot plant but also for every area of your life:

• If you do not pay regular attention to your health, it will deteriorate over time.
• If you do not pay regular attention to your relationships, they will deteriorate over time.
• If you do not pay regular attention to your finances, they will deteriorate over time

Having a pot plant on your desk is a great visual reminder of this fundamental law because if you don’t water it regularly it too will deteriorate.

As you water your plant every few days, use this action as a trigger to remind yourself to review your health, relationships and finances on a regular basis.

A good way to reinforce this idea is to place something like the following on the base of your pot.

Sometimes as you water your pot plant you might realise that you haven’t done any exercise for a few weeks.

At other times your may become aware that its been two months since you and your wife/husband have had some quiet time together.

Alternatively, your pot plant may also remind you that you need to review your finances.

As you can see, a simple pot plant sitting on your desk or kitchen table can be a great reminder to pay regular attention to the things that are most important to you.

Dare To Dream!

Today’s Blessing

March 17, 2009

It’s Your Turn

“Go out and do for others what somebody did for you.”

— Randy Pausch,
from The Last Lecture

Has somebody inspired you recently? Then it’s your turn to go out and inspire somebody else.

Has somebody made you feel loved and appreciated? Then it’s your turn to go out and make somebody else feel loved and appreciated.

Has somebody convinced you that the best way to look is up? Then it’s your turn to go out and convince somebody else to look up.

Has somebody blessed you? Then it’s your turn to go out and bless somebody else.

Life, you see, really does work best when we don’t hoard the things we are given, but share them, instead, with everybody we know.

May you always be willing to pass the good you receive along to somebody else.

And may you always be aware that you are loved beyond measure and a cherished blessing to others.

 

May your day be filled with all things good,

Today’s Blessing

March 16, 2009

March 16, 2009

Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

— Virginia Satir

 

 

 

And when you cope with it by choosing to see everything as a blessing, every single thing, then life comes very close to being the way it’s supposed to be.

May you always recognize the blessing.

And may you always be aware that you are loved beyond measure and a cherished blessing to others.

May your day be filled
with all things good,

Shoes in Church

March 13, 2009

  

I showered and shaved…… . ……. I adjusted my shirt.

I got there and sat……… …. In a pew just in time.

Bowing my head in prayer…… .. As I closed my eyes.

I saw the shoe of the man next to me….. Touching my own.. I sighed.

With plenty of room on either side…… I thought, “Why must our soles
touch?”

It bothered me, his shoe touching mine… But it didn’t bother him much.

A prayer began: “Our Father”….. ……… I thought, “This man with the
shoes.. has no pride.

They’re dusty, worn, and scratched. Even worse, there are holes on the
side!”

“Thank You for blessings,” the prayer went on.

The shoe man said…….. …… a quiet “Amen.”

I tried to focus on the prayer…… . But my thoughts were on his shoes
again.

Aren’t we supposed to look our best.. When walking through that door?

“Well, this certainly isn’t it,” I thought, Glancing toward the floor.

Then the prayer was ended……. …. And the songs of praise began.

The shoe man was certainly loud…… Sounding proud as he sang.

His voice lifted the rafters….. … His hands were raised high.

The Lord could surely hear.. The shoe man’s voice from the sky.

It was time for the offering…. … And what I threw in was steep.

I watched as the shoe man reached…. Int o his pockets so deep.

I saw what was pulled out……… . What the shoe man put in.

Then I heard a soft “clink.” as when silver hits tin.

The sermon really bored me………. To tears, and that’s no lie.

It was the same for the shoe man… For tears fell from his eyes.

At the end of the service….. . As is the custom here.

We must greet new visitors.. And show them all good cheer.

But I felt moved somehow….. …….. And wanted to meet the shoe man.

So after the closing prayer…… . I reached over and shook his hand.

He was old and his skin was dark….. And his hair was truly a mess.

But I thanked him for coming…… … For being our guest.

He said, “My name is Benito….. ….. I’m glad to meet you, my friend.”

There were tears in his eyes……. But he had a large, wide grin.

“Let me explain,” he said…….. . Wiping tears from his eyes.

“I’ve been coming her e for months…. And you’re the first to say ‘Hi.’”

“I know that my appearance.. …….”Is not like all the rest.

“But I really do try……… ……..” To always look my best.”

“I always clean and polish my shoes..”Before my very long walk.

“But by the time I get here…….. .”They’re dirty and dusty, like
chalk.”

My heart filled with pain…….. …. and I swallowed to hide my tears.

As he continued to apologize… …… For daring to sit so near..

He said, “When I get here…….. …”I know I must look a sight.

“But I thought if I could touch you..”Then maybe our souls might unite.”

I was silent for a moment…… …… Knowing whatever was said

Would pale in comparison.. . I spoke from my heart, not my head.

“Oh, you’ve touched me,” I said……”And taught me, in part;

“That the best of any man……… …”Is what is found in his heart.”

The rest, I thought,…. ……… … This shoe man will never know.

Like just how thankful I really am… That his dirty old shoe touched my
soul

(More articles inside SJRM-FORUM)

Infidelity Myths

 

By Dana Hudepohl

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.” “People cheat when they’re unhappy at home.” “If your mate cheats, you’ll know.” We’ve all heard these bits of conventional wisdom; they’re comforting, in a strange way. But they’re all wrong, say the experts who study infidelity. What’s worse, believing these myths can do a lot of harm, because it gets in the way of your preventing, spotting, and recovering from infidelity. (Yes, recovering — contrary to popular belief, an affair doesn’t have to destroy a relationship.) We’ve unraveled the latest research so you can protect your relationship with the facts.

Myth #1: There’s a “cheater” profile.
The reality: With the right trigger circumstances, anyone is susceptible to cheating. “There are as many different profiles as there are people who have affairs,” says Douglas Snyder, Ph.D., a couples therapist and a professor of psychology at Texas A and M University. Yet the myth persists that there’s a recognizable “type” of person who’s unfaithful. That’s why it took Linda Mitchell, 43, a personal trainer in Monroe, OH, by such surprise when she found out her first mate was having an affair. “He never did anything to lead me to think he would cheat,” she says. “He’d bring me flowers, tell me how beautiful I was and what a great partner I was.”
While some people are chronic philanderers, it’s more common to unintentionally wind up in an affair. “People who have accidental affairs have no thoughts of being unfaithful,” says Snyder. “It’s not even consistent with their values system, but the opportunity presents itself.” Maybe a coworker hits on you during a business trip when you’re stressed, or your cute handyman compliments you when you’re getting over a fight with your mate.
“Here’s the best way to prevent affairs: Rather than saying, ‘We will never have one,’ instead think of the kind of person, situation and mood that would make you vulnerable,” says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., a marital therapist and author of “Getting It Right This Time: How to Create a Loving and Lasting Marriage.” Maybe you’re so nurturing that you’d be vulnerable helping a neighbor whose wife just died, while your fun-loving sister would be susceptible during a trip to Las Vegas. It may feel contrived or scary, but having this tough conversation with your partner can help you both recognize chancy situations and be on guard.
You can also stay in safe territory with friends of the opposite sex by not confiding personal things, like airing complaints about your mate, and not keeping anything about those friendships secret. “You know you’ve crossed a line if you don’t want your mate to know about whatever you’re talking about with this person,” says Tina Pittman Wagers, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and instructor at the University of Colorado at Boulder. “If it starts feeling like that, then you need to pull back and reestablish closeness with your mate.”

Myth #2: It’s men who cheat.
The reality: While baby-boomer men do cheat more, women in their 20s and 30s have affairs just as frequently as men their age, according to new research. One reason: More women are working. When you have a job, you’ve got more financial freedom, which could make you more comfortable taking a gamble with your relationship. You also have opportunity; around 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men who have affairs cheat with someone from work.

Myth #3: Long-term boredom leads to an affair.
The reality: Michael, 34, a lawyer in Tampa, says his wife started having an affair before the couple’s two-year anniversary. “I never, ever thought that would happen,” says Michael. Yet the so-called honeymoon period is actually a high-risk time for infidelity. “More people have affairs the first two years of marriage than any other time,” says McCarthy. Women may experiment with a comparison affair: Would I be better off with this guy? Did I make a mistake in marrying my spouse? Men, on the other hand, are likely to cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with their relationship. Thanks to their upbringing or their circle of friends, they may believe that’s just what guys do.
An early affair may be just a last fling that a couple can work through, but it’s more likely a wake-up call to a person that his or her partner has a fundamentally different model of monogamy, says Wagers. Still, newlywed affairs don’t have to spell doom. If both partners decide that they want to give their union another shot, it’s important to figure out what factors contributed to the affair and whether there’s any hope for changing them.

Myth #4: A man is driven to infidelity when he’s not happy in his relationship.
The reality: It’s true that the majority of women who’ve had an affair reported being physically and emotionally disengaged from their partners for at least a year before the affair. But more than half of men involved in affairs reported being happy or very happy in their marriages prior to cheating, according to a survey by the late Shirley Glass, Ph.D., noted infidelity researcher and author of NOT “Just Friends.” Lots of other factors weigh into a guy’s decision to start an affair, including chemistry, opportunity and poor impulse control. “I counseled a couple where the husband’s younger coworker made a pass at him when they were at a conference and he accepted,” says Wagers. “Even though he felt close to his wife and he felt like he had a good marriage, he was excited and flattered that this woman who was 15 years younger found him attractive.”
Many cheaters do blame their actions on a less-than-perfect home life, but researchers say they’re just rewriting history. “Often times these are retrospective reports that are now having to justify how it is that the partner violated vows,” says Snyder. Granted, lots of cheaters are unhappy on some level in their marriages. But so are many men and women who don’t have affairs. “Infidelity isn’t the only road,” says Wagers. “If you’re not satisfied in your marriage, you might also be driven to talk to your partner.” That’s why therapists say it’s so important to stay in touch with each other. For you, that might mean setting aside 20 minutes every night to talk about your day, your differences and your dreams. “It’s the whole idea of staying close to your spouse,” says Wagers. “The more disconnected you get from the relationship, the easier it is to slide down the slippery slope of infidelity.”

Myth #5: Adulterers find lasting happiness with their affair partners.
The reality: No matter how blissful they feel, affair pairings rarely get to happily ever after. A whopping 75 percent of affair partners who marry end up divorced. For one thing, the qualities that attract you to an affair partner — like impulsiveness or extravagance — might be the polar opposite of what makes you happy long-term. And during affairs, lovers are under the spell of chemical changes in their bodies that make them feel euphoric — feelings that are exaggerated even more by the secrets they’re keeping. They’re in a type of fantasy world, focusing only on each other and not getting bogged down in day-to-day stuff like bills and child rearing. “Somebody may seem like a soul mate when it’s all fresh and shiny,” says Wagers. “But you can’t assume the new-car smell is going to last 15 years.”

Myth #6: Betrayed partners know on some level when their partners are fooling around.
The reality: In many cases, the betrayed mate is totally in the dark. “A lot of cheating partners are really invested in keeping this secret and are very good at lying,” says Wagers. So true, says Dayle DeCillo, 39, a mother of five in Mission Viejo, CA, who had zero suspicion that her husband of 11 years was unfaithful — until she discovered him with another woman. “I was blindsided,” she says. “He was a paramedic and firefighter, and was gone a lot, either ‘working’ or ‘working out.’ I was never concerned he wasn’t where he said he was.”
DeCillo simply made the same assumptions most people do: You assume you’re trustworthy and your mate is, too. The possibility that he could stray isn’t even on your mind, so you don’t get suspicious if he says he has to work late or go on a golf trip with his buddies. Usually it’s not until the affair is out in the open that the betrayed mate can go back and give new meaning to history.
It’s also common after an affair is exposed for the betrayed mate to feel like he or she is facing a new truth: You never can be sure whether your partner will cheat. In reality, it’s a truth that was there all along.

Five essential tips to prevent infidelity:
1. Be each other’s number one confidant. You shouldn’t be sharing private thoughts with others that you’re not sharing with your mate.
2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose.
3. Don’t let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Relationships that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair.
4. Recognize when you’re temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your relationship — or that you have to act on it.
5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your relationship. If you’re ever tempted and don’t feel like you can tell your mate, you’ll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you’ll have a strong support network to help you put your relationship back together.

(More articles inside SJRM- FORUM)

“PERSONALITIES OF THE PASSION : Judas iscariot”

March 1, 2009

March 1, 2009

This sermon was preached by the Minister, Rev Andrew Sails

There are still plenty of people in this so called rational age
who solemly change their house no. from 13 to 12a,
who cancel their visit to the dentist if it is on Friday 13th,
and scrupulously avoid inviting 12 friends to a birthday party,
lest with themselves those eating number 13.

 And - consciously or unconsciously,
they are recalling the story of the Last Supper when 13 people -
Jesus and his 12 disciples - broke bread together,
with Judas the betrayer, the Judas, the 13th guest at table.  

 Dante drew a word picture of the circles of hell,
and put Judas at the very deepest point - the epitome of evil.

 And over the centuries people have shunned even the shadow of Judas -
the unlucky 13th man whose influence is till to be still to be avoided.

But what sort of person was Judas?

And why did he do it??

 Its the question all the detectives ask -
Whether you watch Morse or Taggart or Frost or Hetty Wainthrop,
they are all anxious to find a motive - why did he do it??

And what of the biggest crime of all time - the death of God - why did he do it?

Many motives have been put forward for Judas –

        He objected to Mary wasting money on precious ointment –
maybe he was the apostolic treasurer
who felt the money was being squandered.

·        Maybe he was after money for himself -
the modern equivalent of a £1000 or more.

·        Iscariot could be a corrupt version
of a word meaning “assassin” -
and maybe he was after a more violent seizing of power
and lost confidence in Jesus’
strategy of sacrificial non-violence

·        Maybe he didn’t hate Jesus, he just thought he’d got it wrong,
and he needed to be pushed into a crisis
so that he’d have to use his supernatural powers
to bring in the Kingdom.

We don’t know, but when we start thinking like this,
Judas suddenly begins to become alarmingly human,
alarmingly like us -
a mixture of complex emotions, hopes, fears, sins and failings.

 Not the devil at all, but a sinful man -
maybe, more than we like to confess, like the rest of us?

 It is said that when Leonardo da Vinci
was painting his masterpiece The Last Supper,
he needed a sitter for the figure of Christ.  
In the end he found a chorister in one of the Churches in Rome,
a man called Pietro Bandinelli,
a man of fine character and fine features.

 He then looked for models for the disciples.  
Years went by, gradually the picture progressed,
more faces added, until only one remained - Judas Iscariot.   
Leonardo went into the backstreets of Rome,
where finally he found a beggar on the streets
with a face so villainous he shuddered everytime he looked at it.  
But he paid the man who sat for the likeness.  
When he was finished, Leonardo asked his name -
Pietro Bandinelli, he replied -
many years ago I sat for your picture of Christ.

 And if so Pietro Bandinelli, then maybe Judas Iscariot also -

Judas frighteningly like the rest of us,
made in the image of God, but the glory of God defaced
and lost in the compromises and failures of life.

 And the Book of Genesis tells us
that all humanity was made in the image of God -
there is in us all the divine spark -
that on which the spirit and grace of God can work.  

Sadly we twist and distort the image of God
till its sometimes seems quite defaced -

We cease to resemble Xt and begin to resemble Judas.

 But what has the Gospel to say to Judas & those like him?

 First, notice how our Lord responds to the one
who he knew was set on betraying him -

Did he bawl him out, denounce him, shun him -

No - he said come to my table, there are 13 places,
one is for you the betrayer, but still I invite thirteen to table

- take bread and wine,

come sinner to the Gospel feast,

let me wash your feet -

and then in the Garden, let us exchange a kiss.

And this is our Gospel - that Christ came into the world

not to save some sinners, but all sinners,

not just minor sinners but those of deepest die.

 Jesus never gives up throughout his earthly ministry -
nor we believe does the struggle end there.

 So it is that Edwin Muir in his marvellous poem
talks about a God who is not bounded -
like we mere mortals -  by time,
and a God who in his love and power enables us
in another existence to go back in time
and to undo earth’s ancient wrong -   
and he pictures

·        the Cross growing again into a tree
(as indeed on Easter Sunday
we often decorate the dead Lenten cross
with signs of new life out of suffering)

·        and Judas replacing the kiss of betrayal
with the rediscovered innocence and childhood kisses
for his mother.

 To us, who are bounded by space and time, the past is the past -
and whilst we can change and redeem some of our past
through penitence and forgiveness,
some evils of the past seem for now inexorably fixed and unchangeable. 

But if our last word as Christians is that
the sins and crimes of the past must stand unchanged for ever,
then our final word is one not of hope but of despair.

 But that is not our last word -
our last word is of the love and power of the Lord,
which can take the deepest oldest sin and redeem
undo it so that it was as never done -

 This is the Gospel - the Gospel that says that no-one- 
not Judas, not Hitler, not Frederick West,
no-one is beyond the reach of the Good Shepherd
who searches searches, not for the 80th sheep
the 90th the 95th or 99th, but for the 100th sheep

 Jesus is seeking the wanderer yet -

Love only waits to forgive and forget -

home weary wanderer home.

Like Hitler & Fred West after him, Judas committed suicide.

There is an old story that after his death,
Judas wandered the Universe
looking for somewhere where he could be laid to rest.  
Hell would not take him in, and earth would not receive him.  
Judas could find no resting place in all creation.  
At last, in a nameless region of dark and cold,
the soul of Judas saw a lighted hall.  
The sounds of music and laughter spread across the wasteland.   
As Judas approached the open door,
he saw a long table set for supper, with the guests all seated.  
The host rose and embraced Judas with a kiss and said
“We have waited a long time for you, so that the feast could begin”

So we come to Lord’s table

it a memorial of the Upper Room where even Judas was welcome -

And if we feel today like the 13th person at the feast
or the 100th sheep on the hillside,
then let us know that we are welcome here
to share the peace of God and meet with our Lord.

So let us eat and drink here,

and as we do so, perhaps we will get
just a glimpse of that Heavenly Feast,

when every seat shall be filled,

and the love of God shall finally
complete the work assured on the cross,

and you and I and Judas
may finally come in out of the cold,
and know ourselves forgiven and welcome
at the heavenly feast.